welcome to my brain, it may or may not be great for you to be here.
When I was 16 I got a job at the prestigious International House of Pancakes. First, as a hostess and then as a waitress. Two jobs I neither excelled greatly at nor failed epically at. I spend many (emphasis MANY) days slinging flapjacks at local patrons hoping to get a few extra dollars but mostly just acquiring a new natural perfume of frying bacon.
this is my name tag in case that’s not obvious
There I learned two things:
Tip your servers well
Too many pancakes are a bad thing
I spent many years under the impression that I did NOT like pancakes, only to come to the realization that I actually do like them I had just been around them too much from 2008-2010. Now, 11 years later I can confidently say, I would order pancakes on a menu. Which, as I hope you assumed, I did. TWICE.
Before you continue reading may I suggest you watch season 3, episode 5 of Sabrina the Teenage Witch featuring Melissa Joan Hart called “Pancake Madness”. SPOILER ALERT: she gets addicted to pancakes and can’t stop until she eats all of them on earth. A+ acting, A++ graphics.
The Great Fast Food Pancakes War 2021
You’ve undoubtedly heard of the Chicken Sandwich War but have you heard of the Pancake War? Probably not because I just made it up on Wednesday.
A few weeks ago I got an email from DUNKIN’ about their new pancake minis. Six fluffy silver dollar pancakes served in a to-go bag boasting 10g of protein and marketed to “share with friends and family”. Intrigued was I, and hopefully I’ve got you wondering too. I wanted these tiny flapjacks so bad but the timing, as they say, was never right.
Until Wednesday.
On Wednesday I woke up and thought, fuck it we’re doing it!! We’re getting pancake minis!!! And then work got in the way and it was 2pm and fuck we’re not getting pancake minis!!! While I was sulking because there was no break in my day for minis I had a thot. Why not also get mcdonald’s hotcakes and pit them against each other in a 🤼FLAPJACK SMACKDOWN 🤼 for the ages??? Now just so you know, DUNKIN’ sells pancake minis all day but MickyD’s stops selling breakfast at 10:29 SHARP so I set my alarm for 7am and went to sleep patiently waiting for the morning.
RING, RING PANCAKES ARE CALLING
Before you ask, no I didn’t jump out of bed at 7am and run to MickyDs. No, I leisurely woke up and made my way there by 10. I ordered ~on the app~ and it was a pleasant experience but the actual McDonalds was mayhem. I got my hotcakes and made my way to the next stop, DUNKIN’. There I was able to grab pancake minis and a coffee (this is important).
pancakes minis on top, mcdonalds hotcakes on bottom. the photo is misleading because DUNKIN’ serves them in a bag with the Mrs. Butterworth’s syrup and McDonald’s serves them in a tray with McDonald’s branded syrup.
So here we are, in the midst of a syrupy sweet war and all I could think was wow how lucky I am!!!
*I’d like to preface the review that there was a period of ~15 mins from purchase to consumption for the McDonald’s hotcakes and ~6 mins from purchase to consumption for the DUNKIN’ pancake minis*
I’ll start with the DUNKIN’ minis. They were lukewarm, not moist and definitely kind of chewy. They had substance is what I’m trying to say. Which makes sense if you think about the purpose they are to serve. And thank god I had coffee to wet the whistle and help them go down easier.
Imagine, dear reader, it is a Saturday morning and you’re running errands. You’re hungry but the line at la bonbonniere is 25 minutes and you want to get to the container store before it’s a mob scene. You’re craving pancakes but how will you walk and eat those? You wont, that’s a mess. You remember suddenly that there’s a DUNKIN’ nearby and you grab pancake minis and an iced coffee, the perfect on the go meal. You can hold your coffee and the bag of pancakes in one hand while dunking the soft but sturdy silver dollar pancake into syrup in the other. Are they as good as the diner? NO but are they satisfying and fuel you for the container store? Yes. Yes they do.
On the (pun intended) flip side
Now the McDonald’s hotcakes on the other side are not to be eaten on the go. They are served in a tray with a fork and knife which is funny because the restaurant I picked them up in doesn’t even have seats inside. Once a table was secured I dove head first in. These cakes were (still) hot, they were moist and buttery but there’s no way you could eat them without a fork and knife.
This reminds me of one time at brunch I saw a girl pick up her eggs Benedict with her hands and eat it like an open faced sandwich. Hope you are well random girl, hope you are well.
You could tell these cakes were doused in butter and made fresh. They tasted more like traditional pancakes you’d get at a diner or IHOP and I was happy. They tasted like home. But the syrup? What the fuck mcdonalds please just pay for a partnership with Mrs. Buttersworth or Log Cabin because that was not good. It’s like how only the good ketchup is from Heinz. Why? Isn’t it all the same recipes? How does one fall so far from the original to create such a monstrosity?
The Verdict
McDonald’s pancakes are supremely better on every level BUT the syrup is trash. I found myself using the mrs. buttersworth syrup the whole time. I would be quite sad with the McDonald’s pancakes and their syrup but if I brought them home to my own syrup, sure we’ve got Sunday morning plans baby.
🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞 / 10
Now for the others, I’ll definitely be getting the pancake minis when I’m hungry and can’t sit down for a real meal of flapjacks but I wouldn’t consider them an adequate replacement, they’re different but that’s okay. As kermit would say, it’s okay being green (mini and dry?).
🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞 / 10
homemade/diner: infinity 🥞/ 10
Things to look forward to…upcoming days of the week!!!
YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT’S GOING DOWN TODAY RIGHT? COFFEE COKE BABY!! GONNA LINK MYSELF RIGHT THERE WOAH BABY. That felt good. The rest of the week is fine, nothing much to really celebrate food wise. Don’t feel pressured to eat a cranberry on Tuesday but if you do and #iateacranberry on IG I’ll give you a prize (it’s a cranberry).1
Happy Thanksgiving to all those who celebrate!!! And to those that don’t, enjoy your bank holiday!!!
That’s all for now my little pumpkins, I’ll be back next week with a fresh new snack and a hot new take!
